My Nan passed away peacefully a week ago after being sick in hospital for a couple of months. I still don't feel strong enough to write about it in detail, but I will say that losing a kindred spirit has torn my heart out. I hadn't been able to sleep, I had lost my appetite, and I couldn't concentrate at work.
The funeral was on Friday. I sat in the church pews, gripping my family as we wept unashamedly at the loss of such a beautiful woman in our lives. I went home, exhausted and wrung out, and slept for the first time in weeks. I woke up Saturday morning feeling as if a wound had been lanced and cleaned, and I felt ready to pick up my life again. My unselfish Nan, after all, would want to see me remain among the living, rather that dwell on those who have moved on from this world.
I still feel delicate. I still remember things she has said or done at random moments. Tears still well up in my eyes at the thought of her beautiful smile. But I can laugh again, smile again, eat and sleep again. It will be a long time before I stop feeling so heart sore, but I have taken the first steps to recovery from such an enourmous loss. Now all that remains is the support my Mum and Dad, and hold on to those wonderful moments that we all shared with a lovely, down to earth woman.